The Rise & Fall of the Miraculous Vespas
PRAISE FOR THE LAST DAYS OF DISCO
‘Full of comedy, pathos and great tunes’ Hardeep Singh Kohli
Warm, funny and evocative. If you grew up in the eighties, you’re going to love this’ Chris Brookmyre
‘If you lived through the early eighties this book is essential. If you didn’t it’s simply a brilliant debut novel’ John Niven
‘Dark, hilarious, funny and heart-breaking all at the same time, a book that sums up the spirit of an era and a country in a way that will make you wince and laugh’ Muriel Gray
‘Like the vinyl that crackles off every page, The Last Days of Disco is as warm and authentic as Roddy Doyle at his very best’ Nick Quantrill
‘Took me back to an almost forgotten time when vengeance was still in vogue and young DJs remained wilfully “uncool”. Just brilliant’ Bobby Bluebell
‘More than just a nostalgic recreation of the author’s youth, it’s a compassionate, affecting story of a family in crisis at a time of upheaval and transformation, when disco wasn’t the only thing whose days were numbered’ Herald Scotland
‘The Last Days of Disco is a scream, an early 80s teenage dream of vinyl and violence, where Phoenix Nights meets Begbie – catfights and kickings at the disco, polis, payoffs, Masons, pals and a soundtrack “Kid” Jensen would be proud of … David Ross’s debut novel punches the air and your face, hilarious and raging; a falling glitterball. Thatcher’s Kilmarnock is the coalition’s Kilmarnock, where the politics is bitter but the kids are alright; the last days of disco are the days we still dance in. This is a book that might just make you cry like nobody’s watching’ Iain MacLeod, Sunday Mail
‘Ross perfectly plays the nostalgia card through the music and TV shows of the day, transporting readers back to the decade that, arguably, set the UK on the destructive political path it follows even now … By turn hilarious and heart-breaking, more than anything Ross creates beautifully rounded characters full of humanity and perhaps most of all, hope. It will make you laugh. It will make you cry. It’s rude, keenly observed and candidly down to earth. You should read this, especially if you were 18 as the Falklands Conflict developed and recall the fear those call-up papers might be dispatched at any moment’ Scotsman
‘There’s a bittersweet poignancy to David F. Ross’s debut novel, The Last Days of Disco’ Edinburgh Evening News
‘The author himself grew up in Kilmarnock and his book gives a poignant portrayal of the humour and the horror of growing up in a small town in Scotland in the early 1980s. Crucially Ross’s novel succeeds in balancing light and dark, in that it can leap smoothly from brutal social realism to laugh-out-loud humour within a few sentences. It is a triumphant debut novel, which announces a real new talent on the Scottish literary scene’ Press and Journal
‘Ross has written a great coming-of-age novel that is full of wonderful prose and characters who are instantly likeable. At times the book is reminiscent of Irvine Welsh; Kilmarnock takes the place of Leith and Vinyl, rather than Heroin, is the drug of choice’ Literature for Lads
‘Set against a backdrop of rising unemployment levels and the brewing Falklands War, The Last Days of Disco – with its anger, wit and rebellion – is the novel version of an impassioned punk song. The humour is well-pitched and executed, in places even sublime – but David F. Ross has a talent for social angst, and it’s this I’d love to see more of in the future’ Louise Hutcheson, A Novel Book
‘It’s a strong premise and Ross handles the two threads skilfully, stepping backwards and forwards to follow the disco conflict through the local corridors of power … Rather as Jonathan Coe does with the 70s in The Rotters’ Club, Ross celebrates the music of the early 80s through the commitment and passion of Bobby and Joey to their favoured bands’ Blue Book Balloon
‘The Last Days of Disco strikes the perfect balance between weighty socio-political commentary and witty observation. I laughed out loud a great many times and shrunk in sadness during the harder moments. A tragic comedy of deep family difficulties and the comedic coping mechanisms, it makes for a strikingly authentic and enjoyable read’ Publish Things
‘David Ross captures the mood and spirit of the time impeccably, with a wonderful cast of characters and a fabulous soundtrack … there are definite echoes of the late, great, much missed Iain Banks here – there are plenty of comparisons to be drawn, with a sprawling Scottish small-town cast, delicately intertwined plotlines, social commentary and a deft turn of often quite black humour’ Espresso Coco
The Last Days of Disco captures the decade in all its harsh monochromatic glory … Filled with characters that will make you want to laugh and cry, often in the space of a single page, Ross has written a tragi-comedic novel that might topple Trainspotting’s crown and become Scotland’s favourite book of the last fifty years’ Andy Lawrence, Eurodrama
‘From about halfway through the novel, the Eastenders-esque drum bash moments, revelations where your mouth will drop, come thick and fast. That said, Ross is the master of bad taste comedy. Fancy a children’s entertainer who makes phallic balloon animals? Or sex in a shed involving a dry ice machine? Honestly, they say you couldn’t make it up, but Ross really can … Outstanding’ Amy Pirt, This Little Bag of Dreams
‘The Last Days of Disco is a thoroughly enjoyable, uplifting and bloody hilarious book that’s shot through with a clear and knowledgeable devotion to music … In his first novel, David F. Ross has given us a heady blend of social realism, tragedy, humour and Paul Weller. There’s not a dull moment in these pages and I wholeheartedly recommend getting your hands on a copy’ Mumbling About Music
‘I defy anyone not to be humming “Shaking Stevens” when reading this. You will … This is a funny, charming, slightly crazy and intelligent tale … retro comic magic’ Northern Lass
‘… completely exceeded expectations. I laughed out loud, I was moved to tears and I couldn’t put the book down. The Last Days of Disco is a brilliantly written reminder of times past, good and bad, and I would highly recommend it’ Segnalibro Blog
‘It is a tale of consequences, with heart and soul, a coming-of-age tale set in difficult times. David Ross has written a terrific terrific story that will have you laughing out loud one moment and sobbing into your pillow the next. The heart of it is emotionally resonant and absolutely unforgettable. Highly Recommended. Get your dancing shoes on!’ Liz Loves Books
‘The Last Days of Disco is a nostalgic, heart-warming tale of music and gritty real-life set in Scotland in the 1980s … David F. Ross excels in his weaving of humour and sadness into a novel which will have you feeling a range of emotions but ultimately marvelling at the signs of a great new author to follow’ Reviewed the Book
‘Ross uses the reader’s benefit of 30 years of hindsight to set up some fabulous gags. However, there are some very emotive moments to share too. I was reminded of Trainspotting … but with disco rather than drugs! I loved everything about this book and have to award it 5/5’ Grab this Book
‘The turf war with Fat Franny who fancies himself as the Disco King of Kilmarnock provides the Scottish banter and laugh out loud moments. And it’s the language – the Scottish vernacular – that really cements the book in the Scottish landscape. If you don’t speak Scottish dialect then you’ll have learned a few choice words by the end! When the tears flow, it’s because of the Falklands war and what that means for the young men who are forced to go out there and fight. And the tears do flow for there are some sad moments, poignant moments and a realisation via the political reminders at the start of chapters of what the situation was like for so many’ The Book Trail
‘Last Days of Disco is the new Trainspot
ting, brilliant writing! Irvine Welsh you have a new jock on the block! Thank you David F. Ross for a fantastic read and music set to go with it’ Atticus Finch
‘This is David Ross’s first novel but he demonstrates a gift for expressing life that surely has more to give. There is a real empathy for people of all kinds in the pages, there are “good” people doing bad things and “bad” people doing good things, because people are not good or bad they are just people dealing with what is in front of them, imperfectly. This book is worth reading for that truth alone, but it also takes you on an emotional journey that reminds you what it is to be human, a fabulous debut’ Live Many Lives
‘This is a high quality, extremely well drawn, and assured debut from this new author. Highly recommended’ Books and Pals Blog
‘Ross levers the various plot-twists and turns effectively. He also knows his music and the numerous references give the book authenticity. You will be thumbing through old records (or the modern day equivalent) as a result of reading this novel’ Danny Rhodes
‘Their adventures are hilarious, but life is not straightforward for most of the characters as it wasn’t for most people at that time. With Thatcher constantly buzzing in the background, like an unwanted wasp, for one reason or another: unemployment, the Falklands; it takes you right back to that era with an authenticity that is rare to find’ Sandra Foy, For Reading Addicts
The Rise and Fall
of the
Miraculous Vespas
DAVID F. ROSS
Contents
Title Page
Dedication
Author’s Note
The principal players
Epigraph
01: I HOPE TO GOD YOU’RE NOT AS DUMB AS YOU MAKE OUT
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02: THE NAME OF THIS BAND IS…
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03: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, LET ME GET WHAT I WANT…
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04: YOU CAN’T PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND A MEMORY…
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05: EVERYBODY’S ON TOP OF THE POPS…
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Epilogue: The Fall … & Rise
Post Script: Where are they now?
Acknowledgements
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Copyright
For Bobby, who inadvertently planted the seed.
Author’s Note
The Rise and Fall of the Miraculous Vespas is a parallel story to The Last Days of Disco. Although not directly related, both books share certain characters and locations. The story that you are about to read may seem unbelievable. I doubt I would have believed it myself, had I not witnessed most of it with my own eyes. All I would ask is that you suspend your natural cynicism and justifiable disbelief, and acknowledge that even in the cultural backwater of Thatcher-ravaged, 1980s Ayrshire, teenage dreams (so hard to beat) can, and did, come true.
Beyond our prologue, the first person you will encounter is Max Mojo who, at the beginning of this remarkable odyssey, is named Dale Wishart. As our story begins, he lies in hospital, the apparent victim of a re-emerging war between three Ayrshire gangland firms.
A myriad of colourful characters will weave their way across your pages and into the deep recesses of your imagination as this tale unfolds. It falls to me, your storyteller and guide, to introduce them to you. In order, dear reader, that you can follow this snakes-and-ladders epistle with the clarity of thought necessary, I will briefly explain their various relationships and their place on Police Superintendent Don McAllister’s ‘Ayrshire’s Most Wanted Bampot’ list. In Ayrshire, in 1982 – when our tale is set –there are three dominant ‘families’, all working very hard to make a dishonest living.
In Crosshouse, to the west of Kilmarnock, the Wisharts hold sway. The Wisharts are money-launderers; a level of ‘white-collar’ organised criminality that places them lower down the local Police HQ totem pole than their immediate rivals. They are led by James Wishart, universally known as ‘Washer’. Washer is Dale Wishart’s father although Dale – who fronts an amateur band called The Vespas – takes no active part in the family business. Washer’s right-hand man, Gerry Ghee, is also his nephew. Benny Donald is notionally third in command, but his recent forays into Glasgow’s dangerous drug scene are causing Washer concern. Frankie Fusi – known as Flatpack Frankie – is Washer’s closest friend. They have a brotherlike bond that goes back to their time serving in the Army together in Malaya. Frankie Fusi acts exclusively as a fixer for Washer, but is not a full-time member of the ‘family’.
In Galston, over on the eastern side of Kilmarnock, the roost is run by the Quinns, a Romany family whose modus operandi is security and protection rackets. The Quinns are incomers … gypsies from Birmingham who took over the Galston rackets from the previous incumbents – the McLartys from Glasgow’s East End – by force. Nobby Quinn is kingpin, but his fearsome wife, Magdalena is the brains behind the operation. The muscle is provided by their sons, of which there are almost too many to count. Fear not though, the only one you need look out for is Rocco, for reasons that will become apparent.
Which brings us to Fat Franny Duncan, of whom some of you may have heard. Fat Franny’s patch is Onthank, in the North West of Kilmarnock. His crew are involved in everything from loan-sharking to entertainment contracts, although his once unassailable position as Don McAllister’s Public Enemy Number One may be under challenge. Fat Franny’s principal henchman, Robert ‘Hobnail’ Dale, is beginning to question his commitment to the Fat Franny cause. Des Brick, Fat Franny’s advisor, and Hobnail’s brother-in-law, has his mind elsewhere and Wullie Blair – also known as Wullie the Painter – is moonlighting as a decorator for Mickey ‘Doc’ Martin, one of Fat Franny’s lone wolf rivals. To halt the slide, Fat Franny has brought in Terry Connolly to run the ice-cream vans. Terry is another with McLarty connections, as will become only too apparent to you.
So these are the three legs of a criminal cartel that, through an uneasy form of Mutually Assured Destruction, have maintained a peaceful equilibrium ever since the McLartys headed back north. Dear reader … for your entertainment, that peace is about to be shattered as the McLarty influence resurfaces … and the glam-racket of an amateur band rehearsing in a nearby Church Hall stirs a sleepwalking community with their deluded hopes and dreams. But we’ll get to their rise and fall in due course.
In the meantime, as Wullie (the Shakespeare, not the painter) might say … all that’s past is prologue.
DFR
The principal players
The Wisharts of Crosshouse
Dale Wishart (Max Mojo): teenage frontman of the amateur band, The Vespas
James ‘ Washer’ Wishart: Dale’s gangster father
Molly Wishart: Washer’s wife
‘Flatpack’ Frankie Fusi: Washer’s closest friend and ‘fixer’
Gerry Ghee: Washer’s right hand man, and also his nephew
Benny Donald: a young, opportunistic Wishart family lieutenant
The Quinns of Galston
Nobby Quinn: Birmingham-born Romany gypsy patriarch
Magdalena Quinn: his domineering wife
Rocco Quinn: eldest and most vocal of their five volatile sons
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br /> Maggie Abernethy: his mixed-race girlfriend
Ged McClure: friend of Rocco and also connected to the McLarty crime family
Fat Franny Duncan’s North West Kilmarnock Crew
Fat Franny Duncan: Onthank crime kingpin
Robert ‘Hobnail’ Dale: his friend since school, and principal ‘muscle’
Senga Dale: his wife
Grant Dale (Grant Delgado): their son
Des Brick: Fat Franny’s associate
Wullie Blair (The Painter): Fat Franny’s associate
Terry Connolly: Fat Franny’s newest associate, and still connected to the McLarty crime family.
The McLarty Family of Glasgow
Malachy McLarty: the most feared gangland leader in Scotland.
Gregor Gidney: the McLarty’s number-one enforcer, and a known associate of Terry Connolly and Ged McClure
The Police ‘family’
Don McAllister: Kilmarnock’s Detective Chief Superintendent
Charlie Lawson: his colleague
Mickey ‘Doc’ Martin: an Ayrshire impresario who often acts on instruction for Don McAllister